And on her jaw was a British Man-o-war
On her back was the Union Jack, so I paid five francs more
Tatooed upon her spine
Was the REME all in line
And on her big fat bum
Was picture of the rising sun
On her fanny, was Jolsen singin' "MAAAMEEE"
How I love her, Oh I love her
And I love my mother in law.

I love my mother in law though she's nothing but a fuckin' old whore
She nags me day and night
I can't do fuck all right
I heard today, she's comin' here to stay
Isn't it a pity, she's only one titty and she's in the family way
Last night I greased the stairs, put tin tacks on the chairs
I hope she breaks her neck
She's nothin' but a fuckin' old wreck
The insurance will come in handy
'Cos I do like drinkin' brandy
Oh I love her, I love her, I love my mother in law.